The Difference Between Winners and Losers

When a loser/hater sees a winner winning, his first and only reaction is to deem the winner's winning 'unfair,' simply because the loser is unwilling to focus his anger and scrutiny where it really belongs--on HIMSELF.

If the loser would dare look past the winner's surface and consider the possibility that the winner is winning as a result of hard work, mental discipline and perseverance, he might learn something. But the loser/hater doesn't (or is unable to), and thus he remains a loser and a hater, doomed to stand on the sidelines complaining about how only the jerks get girls, how nice guys always finish last, etc., for the rest of his impotent life.

I used to feel the way that losers feel, viscerally, every time I would see a winner winning. Like a knee-jerk reflex. Then, one day, I asked myself: "Why do I feel this way when these people don't affect me whatsoever?" Of course, I had to admit to myself that there was only one answer--jealousy. From that day forward, I made a point to laud the winners when they won, and--most importantly--to try to learn from their example. To get insight into their frame of mind.

And that was when something crazy began to happen--I started to win too.

Nowadays, when I hear of Donald Trump cutting another multi-million dollar deal? P. Diddy hitting another success with his clothing line? Jay-Z having another hit album? Some celebrity/athlete bedding a gorgeous starlet? I say good for them, they deserve it. And then I visualize myself riding the same winning mentality that they possess, and my life continues on its upward climb. A concept that the lazy losers/haters standing on the sidelines will never--and don't deserve to---understand.

Who knows what Jealousy lies in the Hearts of Men.. Pt II.

I've weathered many failures in my life, I'm not embarrassed to admit (most of the time). These range from professional and academic, to personal and internal. For the most part, I always strive to view my failures as harsh classrooms, there to show me what not to do the next time as I continue (and I always continue) on my way towards realizing my goals.

It's been a long road arriving to where I am today. That's not to say that I am so completely head and shoulders over my peers (although often times, in many facets of life, that seems to be the case)--rather, it's to illustrate just how far behind I was for the first third of my life thanks to laziness, low self-esteem, lack of social capital, etc.

Growing up, I had absolutely no sense of self-esteem or pride, especially with regards to my physical appearance. I made a concerted effort to get that taken care of, and I did.

I also had no clue how to effectively interact with people in general, and women in particular. I had no understanding of why people act and respond in the way they do. When it came to women, I was absolutely oblivious to how to even begin associating with them. Once again, I made a choice to get that area of my life handled, and I did.

Thanks to a combination of an absence of role models in my life and my own innate dark tendencies, I wound up early on in a lifestyle that could have only ended in addiction and despair. I decided that that wasn't the life I wanted to look back upon from my death bed, and so I made a decision to uproot my life as I knew it and join the military while I was still young enough to turn things around. Once again, I made a conscious decision to improve myself, and I followed through with it. So, I went from a street urchin to a world-traveled professional in roughly six years.

Unfortunately, as I've come to discover, there is a large contingent of humanity that has extreme difficulty effecting any sort of self-motivated change in their individual lives. Since taking control of their own existence on this planet is so completely out of their realm of imagination, when I speak about my life experiences, what they hear is something like this:


My Reality: "It took a huge amount of effort and determination, a lot of sacrifice and heartache, and a decent amount of failure, but I'm at a point now where I'm in a pretty good position professionally."

What 'they' hear: "I'm in a pretty good position professionally, and you're not, so allow me to rub it in your face (because of course the situation is totally out of your control)."

My Reality: "I made a lot of poor decisions early on, which resulted in me having to implement some serious damage-control later on in life. However, they do make for some interesting and hilarious stories, so I'm glad those bad choices were at least good for something."

What 'they' hear: "I have had such an interesting and zany life, and you haven't, so allow me to rub it in your face (because of course you never had a fair opportunity to do anything interesting with your life)."

My Reality: "Thanks to a lot of poor advice and my own natural-born clumsiness with females, I spent the first 20+ years of my life getting flat-rejected and laughed at by more girls than you or I can count. Since then however, I've made a focused effort to study up on human interaction, humbly solicit advice from those guys I know who are successful with women, and start taking pride and care with my physical appearance. As a result, I've managed to improve my lot to the point where I've been lucky enough to successfully land several very beautiful girlfriends, a scenario I could not have even imagined not so many years ago."

What 'they' hear: "I get so many beautiful girls all the time, because I've just got it like that and you don't (and once again, of course, the situation is completely out of your control).


I've found that the specific lessons to be learned from this phenomenon are (1) find and keep friends who have a similar world view to yours when it comes to decidedly setting and accomplishing goals in all (not just one or two) facets of life; and (2) when circumstances such as work, school, etc., dictate that you must interact with those passive-aggressive type individuals who do not share your world view, e.g. that, for the most part, we are all directly responsible for our own destiny, in those situations just keep your mouth shut when it comes to any topic outside of the objective one at hand.

Differences in opinion when it comes to politics, music, culture, religion, etc., are (usually) wonderful, and in that sense I relish the opportunity to be around those who think differently than I do. When it comes to how you run your own life, however, if someone isn't prepared to accept the fact that even the smallest choices they make are directly connected to the life they live day in and day out, then from this point on I have no interest in bringing someone like that into my reality. We may work together, study together, or even be related--but that's where it ends.

Like 50 Cent's grandfather used to tell him when he was a kid: "In life, you'll get as far as the muthafuckaz you talk to for no reason." From now on, I'm taking care of who I talk to.

Paper Chasin'

So being though I happen to have been born and raised in the middle of what now has mutated into one of the most status-obsessed neighborhoods in New York City (and probably the country), Park Slope, Brooklyn, where two-dimensional yuppie slimeballs and suburban hipster privileged kids are streaming in in larger numbers as each day passes, one of the topics I often find myself thinking (obsessing?) about is wealth, class, and how it all breaks down in the long run.

Being rich. Who doesn't want to be rich? Seriously, even those among us who prefer to live a minimalist lifestyle, we all must agree that having more than enough money to get what you want/need is always a good feeling.

With regards to the bigger picture though, I've been thinking a lot lately about the greater benefits that come along with being rich - the trans-generational benefits. Obviously one can only 'enjoy' wealth for a limited time, since we all leave this planet eventually. That's why one thing we talk a lot about in property class is wills, trusts, and estates - really, really, rich people trying as hard as they can to pass their wealth down to their family for as many generations as they can, and the law, predictably (until recently) trying hard to counter those efforts.

Now, many people's first reaction is "what's wrong with that?" Why shouldn't a man want his children, and their children, to be the ones to benefit from his hard work? Partly, I would have to agree.

It seems like one of the basic motivations a man has to strive to be successful in life, is to provide for his family. If that means he ends up accumulating enough wealth to be passed down for generations, well then all the better. I can understand that.

Now, what I'm wondering is, why will 'having more wealth' automatically make those later generations better off than anyone else? What I'm trying to say is, is there really that much of a difference, happiness-wise, between a child who's born to parents who are worth $60,000, and a child born to parents who are worth $16 million?

Really think about it - what is so much better about growing up/reaching adulthood with money to throw around, than without?

When I look around now at those who grew up the way I grew up (lower working class, no savings), and those who grew up on the Upper East Side or wherever to rich parents, outside of 'status' (which is bullshit anyway), I just can't figure out what the huge upside is to being raised rich.

So these rich kids got to ride horses in Connecticut or wherever while I was running over used condoms and crack vials in alleyways with my friends. They got to go sailing on some lake somewhere while I was swimming at Coney Island or Breezy Point or Fort Tilden with my parents. They went to obscenely expensive boarding schools and go-away colleges, while I was put through 'inferior' public and Catholic schools, and graduated from CUNY.

So these kids now know how to arrange formal silverware, how to play polo, and how to conduct themselves at 'formal gatherings.' So what?

Does that mean that these kids grew up happier than I did? I don't think so, I had a blast as a kid.
Does it mean that they grew up to be 'better adults'? Hardly - I have yet to meet one of these type individuals whose insights/personality made much of an impression on me.
Sure, they grew up with more social capital, and thus more of a likelihood that they would go on to 'make money,' but that's just circling back around to the same question.

So does it mean they're having more fun than me now? Well...

When I drove a yellow cab in Manhattan for a short while (another story) I got a pretty good glimpse into 'their world.' After picking up and dropping off numerous Manhattan rich-kids-turned-rich-adults, I must say, I wasn't exactly wrought with jealousy. These guys weren't exactly bringing supermodels home with them (although they seemed to think they were).

Same thing when I bounced at a nightclub (another story). I watched these rich guys night after night throwing around thousands of dollars in the VIP section, flirting with the staff and customers, trying to prove how fly they were. After they would go home alone, thinking they were a hot shot after wasting a ton of money buying bottles for girls, I would go home with the shot promotion girl that they were drooling over all night.

Now don't get me wrong - of course I would love to pop into a Lambo dealer and roll out with something like this:


And, of course, I would love to be able to wake up with my girl with a view like this:


Outside of that though? They can keep their restaurants, their country clubs, their golf courses and their "debutante" parties, and all the other benefits of growing up wealthy. I have no interest in it.

Sometimes I feel like if I had more money, I would be able to attract more/better females (my vice). Then I remind myself, I already pull the type of girls that these guys want, and then some. I rarely see some yuppie douchebag or hipster brat walking around with the quality of girl that I want. As for my girls? Well, let's just say they usually turn heads wherever we go.

So when it all comes down to it, although I cried about growing up "disadvantaged" in my law school application, and although it may have been true, am I really that much worse off than those who grew up 'advantaged'? For the most part, I don't see how.