You know it's funny, in our society, we never really associate the negative traits of cattiness or petty jealousy with men. Of course, we men carry with us an entire host of foul social baggage - however, I think most folks would agree that when one imagines individuals holding grudges against another member of the same sex for being 'attractive' or 'popular with the opposite sex,' we generally think of women. After thirty years of being on this planet, I have come to realize that men can and do engage in this practice at least as much as women. Let me explain...
I was a pretty ugly kid and teenager, as many of my peers (and even adults and family) had the courtesy to inform me while as I was growing up. I didn't really like eating, so as a result, I was rail-skinny, with a sunken-in face and black circles under my eyes, and a disproportionately large head. Combine that with the most stubbornly stiff hair outside of China (I had the same 'Dumb and Dumber' haircut for the first 17 years of my life), and we're talking complete rejection by females. It was pretty pathetic. Needless to say, I remained a virgin all the way through high school. Nope, not even a kiss.
Fast forward to my very early twenties - I started to eat and lift weights. I bought some clothes that fit. I shaved my useless hair off. I went to Coney Island and got a suntan. Then, one day, my friend's girlfriend at the time made a remark about me being "hot." I was flabbergasted. Up to that point, I had never imagined myself as being attractive to the opposite sex, in my wildest dreams. It was such a new concept to me. I had pretty much given up on the idea of ever attracting females through anything besides luck or whatever 'witty' conversation I could nervously manage (which was none) long ago.
Fast forward again, to almost a decade later. After enormous trial and effort, major self-reassessment, and a couple of heartbreaks (including that devastating first one that we all go through), I have had what I think anyone can call 'success' with the opposite sex. I have a solid understanding of how to attract the women I want (if I'm not in a relationship). I also have a abundant 'fantasy file': vivid memories of past girlfriends and others to keep me upbeat on those rainy days. I'm not trying to brag - rather, trying to point out that it was only once I started to see success with the opposite sex, that I began to feel the evil eyes from my own fellow males.
The 'haters' tend to fall into one of two general categories: (1) Middle-aged, (unhappily) married men with children, usually short, fat, and balding; or (2) Younger, grumpy guys who are unsuccessful with women who, ironically, are also usually short, fat, and balding.
Now of course I have no friends that fit into these categories - the few I did are now ex-friends, precisely because they proved themselves to be 'haters'. Nowadays, I tend to come into forced contact with these types mostly through work or school.
Just a few of the experiences I have had with these 'admirers':
1. When I worked construction years ago, while I was dating my first girlfriend (the "flawless" half-asian). She came to meet me for lunch one day on the Brooklyn Bridge, where we were replacing the roadway. Once my foreman (who used to catcall fat housewives in spandex powerwalking over the bridge) and coworkers (who all fit into one of the two categories I laid out above) saw my girlfriend, who was wearing an awesome sundress and heels, their attitude towards me changed immediately. "What the hell is she doing with you," my foreman muttered after lunch. It got to the point after a couple of weeks where me and the foreman almost came to blows as a result of his behavior towards me. Needless to say, I 'quit and got fired' not long afterwards.
2. In the military, I made the mistake of talking about my love life (in very normal, casual terms, e.g. "I'm going to hang out with a couple of college girls this weekend") in front of some of the, you guessed it, middle-aged, short, fat, and balding sergeants. Lo and behold, their attitude also changed, and so did our work relationship.
3. During our 'graduate school prom' recently, I ended up taking home a very fine 21yr old from the party that several - wait for it - short, fat, and balding classmates of mine were ogling over all night. Once again, attitudes towards me changed like day to night, and a couple of those balding classmates who I was on friendly terms with before, now give me sideways glances (not that I could care less).
The only other friend of mine who likes to keep the company of beautiful girls has noticed the same phenomenon. Bizarre.
Forget "evil." What I really want to know is, "what jealousy lies in the hearts of men" - and why?
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